8 Questions with Kourtney Kang
Kourtney Kang’s journey as a writer and producer has brought us some of our favorite works. FRESH OFF THE BOAT, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, and CRAZY RICH ASIANS are just a few of the projects that she has helped to bring into our lives. In her capacity as a writer, she brings creativity and storytelling to the forefront. As a producer and someone who wants to get these stories made, her boldness and proficiency in the business of television and film has been key to her success. In this exclusive written interview, Melissa asked eight questions of Kourtney Kang about her path and the parallels it has to small business ownership. The result was inspiring!
Melissa: For many business owners, there is a need to balance “working in the business” and “working on the business.” In your career, you have had a lot of success as a writer and with the creative aspect of your industry, but as a producer you have had to navigate the business of your industry. How did you pick up all of those skills?
Kourtney: I think the key is always finding what you love about it. Nobody wants to do the things they don’t like. And usually we don’t like the things we aren’t good at or the things we haven’t been successful at. So I think it is about looking at those areas and thinking how can I get better at this? Or how can I make this something I, if not like, don’t hate.
As a writer starting out, I got my start in playwriting, which was me in a room writing on my own. Well, working in TV is pitching in a room. It’s more a conversation. You have to be willing/ready/happy to pitch your line out to a roomful of people. When I first started, the thing I hated most was those few seconds of silence after I pitched something before people responded. It felt like years. And my mine would race. What if they didn’t like it? What if no one laughed? What if everyone hated it and hated me? And so I would spiral, and it got to the point sometimes I would have jokes, pitches, ideas and be too afraid to pitch them.
I finally realized it may be rough to pitch an idea nobody likes, but it became completely devastating to leave each day with pages of ideas I was too afraid to share. So I had to get okay with those silent milli-seconds after I pitch something. I had to get okay with the idea that it’s a volume business. You pitch ideas. Some of it works, and some of it won’t, but that is all in a day’s work. I learned to get okay with the idea that there might be a silence after I pitch something. Maybe because people are thinking or maybe because they hate it. But that’s okay. I’ve got more ideas. And building up that resilience and grit then helped me in navigating the business. People say “no” all the time. But that’s okay. I’ve got tons of ideas and luckily I’m no longer afraid to shout ‘em out.
I learned to get okay with the idea that there might be a silence after I pitch something. -Kourtney Kang, Writer/Producer Share on X
Melissa: Which skill that you have to use now was the weakest for you when you started?
Kourtney: Definitely confidence. When you are not completely sure of yourself, people can smell it from a mile away. So even if you have doubts, even if you are nervous, I believe to truly be successful, you need to put that aside. Nobody wants to be in business with the woman or man who “kind of maybe” thinks they can do it. In every interaction, every meeting, it is important to project confidence. I call it “I gotchu.” What that means is, be the person who walks in the room and makes people feel like you’re the one who’s going to take care of this. “I gotchu.” They may be worried about x, y, and z. But you’re not, because you got this.
Melissa: What do you think of as your biggest failure and what did you learn from it?
Kourtney: I have so many. And I’m grateful to every one of them. Failing means you got up to the plate. It’s also a time to evaluate. The key is to fail, and instead of scaling back, dream bigger. A recent failure was I had a pilot for a TV show I had written that was very personal. It was my coming of age story, sort of like a “Wonder Years.” We even got Fred Savage to direct it. And I loved making it and loved the show. And there was a moment as we were making it that we were everyone’s darling. And it felt like there was no way this wasn’t going to go forward. And then ultimately as the big decisions were being made, it got real quiet. And the show died.
It was a gut punch. But it made me take a beat and re-evaluate what I really wanted to be doing. Yes, I love writing TV and being on a series, but what I really loved about that project was that it was mine from the start. I liked creating something from scratch. Whereas when you work on a show that is already running, there is more a blue print you are starting from. This failure hurt so much because it was what I really wanted to be doing. I wanted to be starting fresh and building whole worlds as opposed to contributing to something that was already there. If I was being honest, I wanted to create, develop, shape from the ground up more.
I had written some movies in the past and then with the success I had in TV and then becoming a mom and having three kids, I had sort of stopped focusing on that. Well, with this most recent failure I was able to realize what I really wanted to be doing. I since left Fresh Off the Boat and have been developing new shows and writing movies, and I’m even prepping to go and direct one. I’m doing what I really in my heart want to be doing all because the door got slammed in my face and I got a big fat NO.
Each failure reminds us, it’s all hard. There are no guarantees anywhere, so you always should be going after the thing you really want to be doing. Deep in your heart, that thing you want to do, you should always be working towards that. And every time you fail, I believe you are one step closer to it.
The key is to fail, and instead of scaling back, dream bigger. -Kourtney Kang, Writer and Producer Share on X
Melissa: When it comes to marketing a business, I often talk about the value of partnership and collaboration and the strength that comes from building alliances. The work you have done as a writer and producer inherently involves collaboration on many levels with others in your industry. What does it mean to you to be a good collaborator and how do you know when you have found a good collaborator/partner?
Kourtney: Collaboration is everything. All the talents we each have can only take us each so far. My favorite thing that happens in a collaboration is when I’m like, “It should be this,” and then someone else is like, “No, it should be that,” and then as we both argue our views, it pushes us to realize it’s this third thing neither of us would ever have gotten to on our own.
Melissa: Having heard you speak, I know you have a strong voice. What advice do you have for those who are finding theirs?
Kourtney: Journal. And it doesn’t have to be some artsy drinking tea by the fire shit if that sounds awful to you. But if you want to find your voice you need to check in with yourself. I’m a big fan of bullet journaling and planning. A fun cheat I like to do I got somewhere on Instagram (I forget where or I would credit them) is each day write down just a few sentences for each of these things: things that went well today, things that challenged me today, and some thoughts I had. It gives it a nice focus so you don’t sit down and go, “I don’t know what to say.” And over time you’ll start to see patterns and you’ll get to know yourself a little more. And those I think are the first steps to cultivating your voice.
Don’t be afraid for your voice to lead to trouble. I’m sort of outspoken and shoot from the hip, which in some situations is great and in others it’s a nightmare. Haha! And that’s okay. Sometimes I’ll say something sort of off the cuff and it charms everyone in the room, and sometimes it goes real bad. And that’s okay. You roll with the punches. Your voice will not work everywhere and it shouldn’t. It’s your voice. I mean don’t go in and be a jerk, but always be true to you. And then when you find the place your voice really works, you know it’s the place for you.
When you find the place your voice really works, you know it's the place for you. -Kourtney Kang, Writer and Producer Share on X
Melissa: What do you consider the biggest accomplishment of your career?
Kourtney: It’s yet to come, baby!
Melissa: What was the most stressful moment of your career?
Kourtney: Every moment before I believed I could do it. Once you believe in yourself the stress lessens. The real stress is those dark moments when you go, “I don’t know if I can do it.” You can do it. Kill those moments and it all gets easier.
Melissa: Lastly, as someone who is a creator, do you have any words of advice for those who are putting original ideas and original product out into the universe?
Kourtney: Never stop learning. Whatever you are making, doing, etc. can always be better. Our art, vision, voice, whatever you want to call it, is never “done.” There’s always more you can learn, do, change. You never get there, but the joy is in the pursuit. It’s like life, there is no big party at the end. It’s up to us to throw our own party every day.
Kourtney’s story has some important lessons for small businesses everywhere. Read Melissa’s takeaways from this interview here in this Marketing Tip of the Week .
ABOUT KOURTNEY KANG
Kourtney Kang is a writer/producer/director currently developing a half hour comedy with JJ ABRAMS for HULU and a one hour drama for FX. She is most known for her work on all nine seasons of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and for launching FRESH OFF THE BOAT. On the feature side she has several films in development and has worked on CRAZY RICH ASIANS for Warner Brothers, WONDER PARK for Paramount Animation( set to premiere March 15) and many others. Kourtney has also written and produced several pilots for 20th Century Fox, NBC, ABC and CBS. She is a proud mom to three girls and lives in LA.